Are You A Dependent Person? How To Overcome Cinderella Complex
While the name of this complex has a dreamy, mystical name, it’s not something that anyone would want to suffer from. There are two different types of Cinderella complex:
- The first is when Cinderella feels rejected by her step-mother
- The second, more extended type, generally refers to women. It is said that someone suffers from Cinderella complex when they are afraid of their own independence, and that the unconsciously want attention and to be taken care of. Like Cinderella, this woman wants to be saved by a prince. Below we are going to analyze this second type, and teach you how to overcome Cinderella Complex.
How to Overcome Cinderella Complex, Self-Esteem
To know how to overcome Cinderella complex, you first have to understand more about the disorder. Women who suffer from this disorder have a need to be taken care of and feel loved. This desire is caused by a fear of taking responsibility for their actions and taking care of themselves, or by a need to feel protected.
This complex has a fantasy component, where the women wants to be saved. This usually affects those who are unsatisfied with their lives, with their families, or in their relationships, and instead of doing something for themselves to solve their problems, they wait for the knight in shining armor to save them. This is why these women don’t try to improve or change the things that happen to them, but sit waiting until their fantasies become a reality. The key to getting over this complex if to accept reality and understand that the world isn’t perfect.
On the other hand, Cinderella complex also affects women who feel lonely or are unhappy about being single. In this case, they have to learn that one won’t become happy just by having a significant other, but that happiness has to come from within. To overcome this disorder, you have to get over the idea that true love solves everything.
Psychoanalyst Maria Michelena talks about the dependence that characterizes this complex: “Cinderella complex, which is when a man comes with his little shoe, and you try to adapt to him. In the Brothers Grimm fairy tales, one of Cinderella’s step-sisters cuts off her toes to fit her foot into the shoe, and the other, after seeing that it didn’t work, slices off her heel to get her foot to fit, also unsuccessfully. Women, provided that we get our foot in the shoe that is given to us, are capable of innumerable sacrifices encroach on what we are, what we do, and what we’ve achieved just to fit our foot in the shoe.”
The solution doesn’t lie in saving these people and fulfilling their fantasies, because these fantasies will always demand more and more attention, and when they feel like they’re not getting their needs met, they get angry and their problems get worse. In these cases, the “prince” usually starts to feel overwhelmed and created distance between them, which can be hard for her self-esteem. This is why it is better to help the person suffering from Cinderella complex to overcome their fantasies and not give in to them.
“If you’re not comfortable in a relationship, or if you feel like you have to play a certain role and fulfill expectations, something is wrong.” “If you’re not comfortable in the relationship because you feel like you have to act a certain way, that you have to placate and please them, something isn’t working. You should feel comfortable, comfortable in your life, comfortable with the woman you are, with your social life, with the friends you’ve chosen…” Says Michelena.
Accepting reality can be complicated for someone who suffers from this complex and those who are affected are brought up to be submissive and dependent, so it is normal that they wouldn’t want to change. If these women don’t find their “perfect man”, they start to feel useless, their self-esteem plummets, and it makes their need to find someone even stronger. This complex doesn’t have a simple fix, and to be able to overcome it, you will need to go to psychotherapy to work on developing a healthy self-esteem and leave behind dependency.
Molly is a writer specialized in health and psychology. She is passionate about neuroscience and how the brain works, and is constantly looking for new content from interesting sources. Molly is happy to give or take advice, and is always working to educate and inspire.
This post is also available in: Spanish