Tag Archives: emotional intelligence

Anger management for kids: Teach your child to deal with frustration

Anger management for kids is one of the most daunting parent tasks. In the following article, we will explain what is frustration and anger and how to teach children to manage it.

Anger Management for Kids

Anger Management for Kids: Frustration

When we speak about anger management for kids it’s important to know what is frustration.  Frustration can be defined as a psychic state that we often experience in life when we are deprived or unable to satisfy a desire right at that moment. It is often accompanied by feelings such as sadness, or, in the worst case, anger.

From the moment we are born, our brains are engineered to meet our needs and seek survival. Thus, a baby cries, to capture the caregiver’s attention so that they can meet their needs.

At the beginning, the baby only demands the satisfaction of his most basic needs (he cries when he is hungry, when he is uncomfortable with his diaper, when he is sleepy and when he feels unprotected). But as his nervous system matures and brain structures unfold, the child acquires new achievements such as intentionality in his actions, thinking, language and greater autonomy.

Behavior then becomes more complex. He now shows anger and frustration when there is something he dislikes.

Anger Management for Kids: Tolerating Frustration

Teach children to tolerate frustration. Tolerating frustration means learning to delay gratification or desire. In our culture, it is important to understand that you can’t always have what you want whenever you want. We are limited by the functioning of a social structure, which determines how we should proceed to be and have what we want.

You can’t buy a car if you can’t afford it, nor can you be an engineer if you don’t get your degree, you will have to pay taxes and sometimes even fines you might deem unfair. This is how society works, things happen that are not always going to make us feel comfortable. 

Therefore, do not doubt that an indispensable tool to ensure the good future is to teach anger management for kids. This will help them deal appropriately with frustration and anger when faced with unfair situations. Let us not forget that childhood is when kids must prepare themselves so that they can function successfully and autonomously in our society when they become adults. Therefore, we must make childhood a simulacrum of real adult life, adapted to the needs of each evolutionary stage, where there is room for happiness and joy, but also for sadness and dissatisfaction.

During child development, children must prepare themselves so that they can function successfully and autonomously in our society when they become adults. Therefore, we must adapt childhood where there is room for happiness and joy, but also for sadness and dissatisfaction.

Anger management for kids is teaching them to postpone some of their desire and help them feel integrated into their peer group. This gives them more realistic expectations about reality and when they become adults they will be able to follow a logical sequence that will allow them to achieve greater success than those who have not achieved a good anger management for kids. Imagine all the future problems we can avoid if by anger management for kids we avoid impulsive behavior and manage to deal with frustration.

Anger Management for Kids: Overcoming frustration

Anger management for kids is no easy task so do not despair in the attempt, because sometimes results are not immediate or might not be noticed until some time. Try not to frustrate yourself in the process.

I dare say that educating is probably the most difficult tasks that human beings can face, so let’s get air and try to decipher with our son what he is feeling.

  • First thing is to help him name what he feels maybe even help him detect his discomfort somewhere in the body.
  • With emotion, usually, other symptoms can appear like chest tightness, tummy ache, etc. So a good way to begin to understand what he might be going through could be to help locate his discomfort in some part of the body.
  • We have to learn to contain his emotions and frustration. We must not forget that when our son behaves in anger, we continue to be, without realizing it, models that he will learn to imitate. Therefore, if we want our kids to learn self-control, we must show it ourselves. We must behave firmly without forgetting that he is not an adult and that his behavior escapes all intentionality. Empathy,
  • Empathy, firmness, and affection are three basic qualities for anger management for kids.
    • Empathy: to try to put ourselves in the skin of our son, to understand, to see and to feel like he does.
    • Firmness: educating is always being aware that an inappropriate behavior is followed by a consequence. 
    • Affection: even when we reprimand him, we must manage to make him feel wanted and accepted.
  • We want to convey that this particular behavior is unacceptable and not that he or she is unacceptable or misunderstood. We don’t need to raise our voices or punish, but rather keep consequences simple, always explaining why.  
  • We should remember to fulfill their desires or needs in the appropriate amount of time. We want to show him that there is room for desire fulfillment but at the right time. The values that they obtain during childhood should be seen as the foundation for adulthood.  
  • Each time we help our child to determine what happens to him, we help him overcome child frustration and teach him other ways to express anger. By helping with anger management for kids we contribute to his emotional intelligence and help him self-regulate (to understand what happens to him and to use an appropriate solution to the overflowing emotion). 
Anger Management for Kids

Anger management for kids: An example

Perhaps a real example of child frustration can guide us through the process of anger management for kids:

Anna is the mother of Christina, a 7-year-old girl, whom her mother defines as charming but irritable when something is denied to her. Christina is an only child and her mother says they have tried to give her as much affection as possible. However, Christina gets angry easily and doesn’t tolerate frustration well.

Often, parents tend to fear scolding or reprimanding their children when they see their kids having an angry tantrum. Therefore, they use other strategies such as giving them what they want. This is a mistake since life rarely gives you want immediately and children must be exposed to these elements to learn how to tolerate frustration.

Anna: “I was in the supermarket with Christina when she, who was walking around, took a doll and asked me to buy it. I told her that it was not possible, that we were in a hurry and that we would buy her another day. Christina began to shout that she wanted the doll while I insisted that we weren’t buying her today. People started staring and I felt so mortified I agreed to buy her the doll.”

Without realizing it, Anna rewarded Christina’s behavior, so once again, the child learned that by screaming she will get what she asks for.

What can Anna do to stop Christina from acting like this? Here are some tips:

1- The fact that Christina hasn’t yet learned how to express her emotions properly doesn’t mean that Anna is bad at parenting. Children will learn how to express their feelings better with our help. Anna, regardless of Christina’s actions, should’ve continued to deny buying the doll. Her attitude should be firm, without raising her voice but maintaining our position.  

2- Give an alternative option. In this case, Anna should suggest another day to purchase the doll and inform Christina: “Next week is your birthday and we will come back and buy it” or “this afternoon if you do your homework, tomorrow we will come back and buy it.” Always keep in mind: If you say it, you have to do it. Otherwise, I am teaching kids that words don’t mean much.

3 – If Christina is out of control and does not listen to Anna’s words: a simple and firm “no, come on we are leaving!” Should be enough. Let us not waste so much effort in gaining our son’s understanding when he is frustrated because he won’t be able to calm down. Anna might have to walk without him for a few feet, or go back and pick her up while she continues crying.  

4 – When anger dissipates then both Anna and Christina can speak about what happened. 

Anna: “I am angry at how you behaved, I understand that you want the doll, and I have already said that (tomorrow, next week, …) we will come back to buy it. But I do not like you crying and shouting like that “. Also, Anna should reassure Christina of her feelings ” I know you’re angry because you wanted the doll, but that is not the way to behave. Next time, calmly try telling me you what you want and I will see what we can do.”

Remember that you are dealing with a child and that sometimes their words don’t have bad intentions but rather they are trying to express something. Empathy is very important in this case, instead of paying attention excessively to the words.

To phrases like “I don’t love you mom, you’re not nice“, should follow expressions that convey acceptance and affection at all times. Being angry at how he behaved should not mean a withdrawal of affection.

The message that should always be: “I’m angry about how you’ve behaved, but I still love you and there are many reasons why I’m still proud of you because there are so many things you do well.”

5 – Making an agreement should always be followed through with what we promised. Therefore, always try to agree to things that are 100% sure to happen. If the agreement between mother and child was that for her birthday they would come back to buy the doll, then on her birthday make sure to make that desire come true. If the child notices that when he behaves correctly and waits she will get what she wanted or a positive consequence then that behavior will be reinforced and it will continue throughout development.

Anger management for kids means establishing age-appropriate limits, negotiating and granting what is promised. It also means being firm but empathic to our child’s needs and keeping in mind that affection must always be present.

This article is originally in Spanish written by Samuel Fascius Cruz, translated by Alejandra Salazar. 

Rote Learning: Retaining Information Without Deepening Its Meaning

Do you remember when you learned to multiply? You repeat the same multiplication tables over and over. This is a technique called rote learning. Do you think this is a good learning method? In what cases do you think it can work? Do you often use rote learning? In this article we will delve into the characteristics of rote learning, its advantages and disadvantages, examples and also contrast with other types of learning. In addition, we will give you five tips to memorize.

Rote Learning

What is rote learning?

Learning is based on relatively stable changes in behavior or mind that take place through experience. There are several learning theories dedicated to exploring how our brain learns.

Rote learning is based on mentally retaining data through repetition without processing it carefully. The memorized contents are not understood and no attempt is made to analyze their meaning. It is just mere repetition, enough times until they are retained in our memory.

Memory is one of our basic cognitive processes. It helps us to encode, consolidate and retrieve data later. The interaction between memory and learning is essential both in our education and in all areas of our lives. However, it is also relevant that their relationship helps us process the data properly and progress in our development.

Rote Learning – Features

  • It is the most basic type of learning.
  • It’s mechanical.
  • The contents are arbitrarily related.
  • Retention data are usually stored in short-term memory.
  • The information is easily forgotten.
  • This type of learning is usually discouraged.

Rote learning – Examples

Rote learning in education

Rote learning is used quite a lot in school.  Generally, we remember repeating multiplication tables without understanding what we would do later with this information.

We also learned simple mathematical formulas and as many data related to numbers. However, it is not only used in math but also in other subjects. We used rote learning to learn the countries and their capitals, states, rivers, musical notes, elements of the periodic table, etc.

At university and even in working life, data are still retained without processing them in depth. This type of learning accompanies us throughout all the stages of our life.

Rote learning in everyday life

How did you learn your phone number, your partner’s birthday, your job address, social security number?

Rote learning helps us get throughout life without having to process everything we need at a certain point.

Rote learning

Rote Learning – Advantages and Disadvantages

Advantages of rote learning:

  • It helps us to retain important data like dates.
  • It’s a quick procedure.
  • It is relatively simple.

Disadvantages of rote learning:

  • It is easily forgotten.
  • It doesn’t allow us to examine the information in depth.
  • It doesn’t motivate us to continue learning data related to what we memorize.

Among students, it is quite common to take an exam relying on rote learning. However, when the question is relatively ambiguous or critical thinking is asked, the security of memorized information begins to fade.

Rote learning Vs Other Learning Types

Every situation requires different types of learning and each person uses their own learning methods.

1. Meaningful learning

Rote learning is closely linked to meaningful learning. David Ausubel was influenced by Piaget and developed the theory of meaningful learning. This theory maintains that we add content to the information we had previously. We adapt the data so that we can rank it and it can make sense for us.

Ausubel was a constructivist, this implies that he considered we are responsible for building our own reality and for our learning process. Meaningful learning contrasts sharply with memory, as it encourages people to learn, analyze and transform information to get new ideas.

Are rote learning and meaningful learning compatible?

We can imagine learning as a continuum at the ends of which are rote learning and meaningful learning on opposite sides. That is, it is possible to retain data using strategies relating to both types of procedures.

We can also consider rote learning as part of meaningful learning. In fact, both procedures can be complementary. Memory plays a vital role in learning. Even so, it is advisable to memorize the contents while trying to understand them.

For example, if we are trying to study US History, we are conscientiously reviewing each chapter and connecting it with experiences of our daily life, however, we will also need to memorize relevant dates to understand the historical context of the facts.

2. Associative learning

When this process occurs, we establish connections between two distinct stimuli. For example, it happens when we associate a certain smell with a certain person and we remember them every time we perceive a similar aroma.

3. Observational learning

Bandura’s theory of social learning explains how we acquire certain knowledge or behaviors through the situations we see. Still, he insists we are not robots. For example, if we live with people who speak very loudly, it is likely that we will also raise our voice.

4. Receptive learning

This type of learning is also passive, but it is not just about memorizing, it involves understanding the new information. A very common example is in classrooms when students simply listen to the teacher. Subsequently, the students reproduce the contents in the exam without internalizing their ideas or analyzing them personally.

5. Emotional learning

It is the one that helps us throughout our lives to understand and manage our own emotions. We practice emotional intelligence in situations such as patiently listening to a friend’s dilemmas or communicating how we feel at a given moment.

Rote Learning: 5 Tips to Memorize

Although it is advisable to acquire the necessary tools to know how to connect later the contents we learn with new ones, we can also benefit from rote learning for tasks such as remembering the names of our new co-workers. Find out five recommendations here to use rote learning effectively.

1. Organize information in blocks

George Miller, a cognitive psychologist, published an article called “The Magic Number Seven Plus Two” that dealt with the breadth of our short-term memory. 

According to Miller, we can retain five to nine data without grouping them together. On the other hand, if we divide them into groups (chunking), our ability to work with these elements will increase. For example, if we want to remember the list of purchases, we will find it useful to divide it into fruits, vegetables, cleaning products, etc.

2. Use mnemonic rules

The Loci Method is the oldest known mnemonic technique. It consists in associating visually the elements that we wish to remember to certain places. For example, if you want to remember what to have to say during a presentation, you can associate each part with a portion of your journey to work, and recite them. This way you will not forget the order and can relate to images you see constantly.

However, there are different modalities of mnemonic rules. It is also possible and useful to invent new words with the initials of the words we want to remember, to associate songs with sentences, etc.

3. Try to repeat out loud without making mistakes

Imagine your goal is to learn your new class schedule. Read the data you want to remember out loud as often as you need to. When you feel ready try to say it calmly.

Take it slowly and repeat them as many times as you need to since this is a matter of practice. 

4. Use color psychology

Each color transmits certain sensations and is commonly associated with very characteristic meanings. For example, red alerts us and reminds us of blood, love or suspense. On the other hand, white evokes tranquility, peace, and perfection (in our culture). You can take advantage of concepts related to colors to link them to the content that interests you.

5. Uses CogniFit

Neuroeducation is allowing amazing strides to be made in the field of learning. We can now benefit from clinical assessment tools and cognitive stimulation with which it is possible to easily detect our strengths and weaknesses at the cognitive level.

In fact, CogniFit is a leader in this field. It is an online platform that allows us to train our memory and other cognitive skills through entertaining and useful mental games. Challenge yourself, improve and train your memory!

Rote Learning

Thank you very much for reading this article. If you have any questions don’t hesitate to comment below.

This article is originally in Spanish written by Ainhoa Arranz Aldana, translated by Alejandra Salazar. 

11 Tips For Developing Emotional Intelligence In Your Kids

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and control our emotions. It allows us to interpret our own feelings, as well as the feelings of those around us. It’s important to learn how to use emotional intelligence from a young age, so we can interact with others with confidence, and be comfortable with ourselves. To help your kids develop and improve emotional intelligence, we’re going to give you a list of 11 tips to help your child develop their emotional intelligence.

Tips for developing emotional intelligence in your kids

Tips for developing emotional intelligence

1. Help them express their emotions

Many times, children don’t know how to control their emotions and they end up lashing out and yelling. It’s important that we teach them other ways to express their emotions, and that it is better to talk things through than to throw a tantrum.

Help them learn how to better express themselves. Maybe have them write in a journal, sing a song, hit a pillow, or draw. If they’re able to express their emotions, they’ll have a better possibility of understanding other people’s emotions.

2. Show them how to set goals

Help your children make their own goals and teach them to be responsible to be able to reach them.

3. Cultivate empathy

Doing this requires lots of questions on your part. Make them think about other people’s feelings. Ask them things like “why do you think your sister is sad?” or, “Do you think this would make mom happy?”

4. Develop good communication

It’s important to teach children to express themselves and ask when they don’t understand something. Learning to talk about things is a basic pillar in childhood education.

5. Control their anger

Children need love and affection until they reach 18 months. This will give them a sense of safety and help them adapt to their environment, control themselves and their fears. You should know, however, that after 6 months they will start developing emotions like rage, which is why it is so important to teach them to control their actions and correct their bad behavior. It is important to establish limits and talk to your child about how to control their anger.

6. Teach them how to recognize their emotions

Children start to interact more openly when they’re about 2 years old. This is when it becomes really important that they are able to recognize basic emotions, like happiness and anger. To do this, you can show them pictures or drawings of faces, and ask them to identify what emotions each face is showing. This will improve their empathy and help them relate to others.

7. Teach them how to listen

Make your children learn to listen without interrupting when others are talking. Teach them active listening, talking to them calmly and asking them if they understood what you said.

8. Show them secondary actions

Once a child reaches 10, they start to experience secondary emotions, like embarrassment and love. You need to be open and talk about these things to keep an open relationship between parents and children.

9. Try to keep the dialogue democratic

You have to teach your children to suck it up and admit when someone else was right. Learning how to get along with others is very important for both family and adult lives.

10. Try to get them interested in other people

Get them to think about other people and what they may be feeling. Try to make them interested in their family members so that they will learn how to be empathetic.

11. Make sure they are comfortable expressing their emotions

You have to make sure that the children know they can talk about their feelings and what’s bothering them. This will help them do better in school and excel in their adult life.