Tag Archives: Self-esteem

Respect: What is it, types, examples, learn and teach respect

Respect: a useful guide. Learn what it is, why it is important, types and examples. Discover interesting tips on how to teach it. What to do when we are disrespected? How do you learn to respect yourself? How to respect others? In this article, we answer all these questions.

Respect

What is respect? Concept and definition

The word respect comes from the Latin word “respectus” meaning attention, regard or consideration. It can be defined as “esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability“.

It is a very important component of both personal identity and interpersonal relationships. To feel respected could be considered a basic human right. Disrespect is a very important thing that can lead to break-ups and even violence.

It is a concept that refers to the ability to value and honor another person, both his or her words and actions, even if we do not approve or share everything he or she does. It is accepting the other person and not trying to change them. Respecting another person is not judging them by their attitudes, behaviors or thoughts. It is not expecting for someone to be otherwise.

Our differences are positive because it creates our identity. This means that individual differences exist, but above all to understand that as members of a society we are equal. All people are due respect for the simple fact of being people. Equality is in balance. That is why it is very important to teach children from an early age the value of it. The best way to teach respect is to become a role model for our children.

Respect for others is very important, but for yourself is fundamental since you will value others to the extent that you are able to value yourself.

“don’t do what you don’t want to be done to you,” and “respect and value.”

Some synonyms of respect would be deference, obedience, attention, courtesy, tolerance, compliance or admiration.

Why is respect important?

Without it, interpersonal relationships will be filled with conflict and dissatisfaction. If we don’t respect others, they will not respect us, and if we don’t respect ourselves we will not be respected by others either.

It is essential to feel safe, to be able to express ourselves without fear of being judged, humiliated or discriminated against.

Being respectful of others, being respected and respecting ourselves increases our self-esteem, self-efficacy, mental health, and well-being.

Types of respect

There are many types, the most important of which are: self-respect, for others, for social norms, for nature, for values, for laws and norms, for culture and for the family.

It is learning to tolerate, not discriminate and avoid actions that may offend others. Some examples of consideration in everyday life are: greeting or speaking to others in a kind and respectful way, giving up your seat in public places, treating others as you would like them to treat you, etc.

  • For self: This kind refers to the ability to respect oneself, to value and appreciate oneself. Accepting oneself regardless of what others think.
  • For others: This kind refers to the act of tolerating accepting and considering another person, even though there may be differences between them, or between the way they think. Some examples would be; respect for parents, men and women equally, teachers, older people, other’s religious beliefs, respect for people of different sexual orientation (lesbians, transgender, gay, bisexual, intersex, etc.), etc.
  • For social norms: This kind refers to the ability to respect all the norms that govern society. Some examples of this type of respect would be: respect for courtesy rules, working hours, other people’s belongings, letting them speak and listen, respecting others opinions.
  • For nature: This kind refers to the appreciation of the environment (animals, plants, rivers, etc.). Some examples of this type of respect would be; not throwing garbage in rivers, forests, or fields, not tearing up plants or mistreating nature, not wasting water, not harming animals or insects, recycling, using environmentally friendly means of transport, etc.
  • For the family: This kind implies being able to understand and respect each other within the family, and implies being able to follow a set of rules of coexistence.
  • For values: This kind refers to the ability to honor our own principles.
  • For culture: This type of value refers to the ability to recognize that there are other beliefs and be able to respect them. Some example of this kind of respect would be; not trying to impose our beliefs on others, avoid making judgments about the opinions of others, etc.
  • For national symbols: This kind refers to the ability to value and appreciate the symbols of a nation. For example, the anthem or the flag.
  • For human beings: This type refers to the ability to comply with legal norms, respect laws, etc.

How to teach respect?

This atribute is a two-way street. Hal and Yates studied respect through words and found out that between parents and children and teachers and students respect is the main aspect of the relationship between them.

These authors learned that it is about reciprocity, meaning that we get back what we receive, therefore if parents respect their children, they will receive the same respect back. The important aspect of this study was that parents and teachers were the ones responsible for teaching respect.

You can start teaching respect to children, maybe this song and tips might help:

1. Respect your children

Take into account your child’s tastes and preferences. Don’t make him do something he doesn’t want, just like you wouldn’t make an adult do it. Suggest, encourage, advise, but don’t force. If your child has their own way of doing things, let your child do it. Don’t pretend to have complete control over your child’s behavior or preferences. Accept their decisions and let them make their own decisions as well.

When we accept children’s differences, they feel listened to and respected. They learn in their own flesh how to treat others who have different opinions and to respect others despite their differences.

2. Stay calm and don’t shout

If you want to teach respect, it is important to set an example and always keep a calm tone. Shouting at a person is disrespectful, too. Although it can be difficult when you feel frustrated, try not to shout.

3. Don’t use negative labels or insults

Telling our child, “you’re a bad boy” or “you’re useless” is very harmful to self-esteem, but it also encourages a disrespectful attitude. So, when he/she behaves badly, it is better to say: “What you have done is wrong”, focusing on his action by not judging the child”. Discover the power of effect. Prophecies come true.

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4. Understand why he/she disrespected you.

When your child is disrespectful, it’s best to understand why he or she has done it and help them explore their feelings. For example, if your child calls you “bad,” we’ll ask why he or she said it, whether it’s because they’re angry or sad. We need to think about what might have upset him, and say, “Are you angry about this?” We must be empathic to their anger and make them understand that not because of that anger a person is bad and that hurting others is not a way to solve problems. Once they understand this, we can negotiate with them how to solve their anger.

5. Don’t let them disrespect you.

Don’t let your children or anyone else disrespect you. Be a good role model for them, not letting anyone take advantage of you or accepting yourself.

Portraying respect goes hand in hand with self-esteem. The higher the self-esteem the lower the possibilities you will accept disrespect. Remember that us humans strife to achieve respect but we have to focus on providing ourselves with the respect we deserve.

6. Set limits

When teaching respect, it is important to set limits on what is right and wrong for children. When they behave disrespectfully, point out the behavior, calmly, without shouting, as we have mentioned before. However, if there is a lot of emotional activation, if the child is very upset, it is better to wait for him to calm down, or even help him to do so.

7. Apologize when you’re wrong.

When you’re wrong, you don’t keep your promise or you’re too hard on your child, it’s important to apologize to them. Not only will we convey humility and the importance of asking for forgiveness, but we will also teach them respect.

8. Congratulate your children when they are respectful

It is important for them to learn the actions that are right and respectful. Let them know that what they have done is right because then they are more likely to repeat it.

Respect at the workplace

Globalization has made that most of our workplaces have diverse people, from different races, religions, etc. This is very important because having a diverse workplace helps boost productivity. However, what is most important in a diverse workplace is to maintain respect among coworkers to reduce job stress.

To keep respect at the workplace it is important to be polite with each other, don’t judge people, control your anger, inspire others, etc. Practicing humility, respecting other people’s time, trying to be empathic are important variables at the workplace.

Learn to respect yourself

Sometimes it’s hard to get others to respect us if we don’t do it ourselves.

1. Treat others the way you want to be treated

It’s a pretty cliché phrase, but it’s true. If you want to be respected, start by respecting others. People tend to be reciprocal.

2. Respect yourself

If others see that you have this, they will also consider and appreciate you and your needs. Consider yourself a priority.

3. Use body language

Body language is very important because it helps to transmit a lot of information. Although many times the information we send with the body is contradictory to our words. Therefore, if we give our opinion but with a faint voice, it is more likely that no one will take into account what we are saying. But on the contrary, if we express what we think in a firm voice, looking into the other’s eyes and confident in ourselves, they are more likely to respect us.
Discover here tips for effective communication skills.

4. Speak positively

Even if you do not behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, do not underestimate yourself, or play down.

5. Surround yourself with the right people

Some people are just always disrespectful and no matter what we do they will always disrespect others. These people we should keep further away from us as possible. If you can’t keep them away then learn to ignore their comments.

6. Defend yourself against disrespect

If they disrespect you or don’t take you seriously, defend yourself. Don’t allow it. Don’t attack or respond in the same way either. With a “What you said has hurt me”, “That comment was inappropriate” or “I won’t allow you to speak to me like that”, these phrases will help for this behavior not to repeat again.

7. Boost your self-esteem

Many times we are not respected because we don’t consider ourselves worthy of it. This may be conscious or unconscious. Even if we rationally know that we do deserve respect, sometimes unconsciously we don’t end up believing it. That is why it’s important to work on your self-esteem.

8. Develop assertiveness

Assertiveness is a way of defending our rights while respecting those of others. By being assertive, we will avoid others taking advantage of us, besides increasing our self-esteem. To do this, it is important to learn to say no when something doesn’t feel right or doesn’t suit you.

Respect Others

What to do with lack of respect?

Do you feel that others don’t respect you and take advantage of you? Here are a few tips to help you overcome disrespect.

  • Value your educational trajectory or other forms of education that you have had. If you are not fortunate enough to have a formal education, value your life experience and life skills.
  • Honor your body and listen to it. Take care of it without forcing it, do physical exercise and eat properly.
  • Listen to yourself, attend to your needs, whether they are a need for rest, disconnection or fun.
  • Learn to communicate assertively, as mentioned above.
  • Stay away from people who don’t do you any good and from toxic relationships.
  • Find out what your goals and objectives are in life and work to achieve them.

How do we respect others?

  1. Listening to the other person.
  2. Being empathetic, understanding each other and putting ourselves in their shoes.
  3. Using assertive communication, that is, defending our rights while respecting the rights of others, in an educated and non-aggressive manner.
  4. Keep in mind that our approaches, ideas, and opinions may differ from other people and none is wrong. No one has the absolute truth.
  5. Apologizing to each other when we make mistakes.
  6. Keeping other people’s secrets.
  7. Complying with and respecting laws and regulations
  8. Taking care of the common spaces and the environment.
  9. Interest in others, their everyday life and how they feel.
  10. Respecting the privacy and intimacy of others.
  11. Respecting others spaces and belongings, not to invade or use what is not ours without permission.
  12. Respect personal space.
  13. Make sure we include rather than exclude others.
  14. Helping others when it is in our power to do so.
  15. Being grateful.

Self-Improvement: Personal Development Techniques and Strategies

You lead a very full life, you apparently don’t lack anything and have everything you want, but still, you are not satisfied. There is something that you are not comfortable with in your life and you feel stuck. You often have the feeling you lead your life in autopilot and hate the feeling that nothing new or exciting is happening.Maybe you need a self-improvement or development plan to change, evolve and be who you want to be. Here are some techniques and strategies that can help you. 

Self-improvement

What is self-improvement?

Self-improvement can be defined as an integral development process that evolves throughout life, by which one learns to have self-awareness, improve one’s personal abilities and pursue one’s life goals. Self-improvement consists of self-realization, doing what one really wants to do and living more fully.

Personal growth makes us happier, and it is that life is much better when we have worked on ourselves. Self-improvement also helps us cope with difficult times and improve our personal relationships. Self-improvement involves investing time and dedication, it’s a full-time job that never ends. The best is to invest is in yourself and in your own happiness.

Self-improvement, Personal Growth, and Positive Thinking

Self-improvement is strongly linked to positive thinking. Negativity slows down our progress and personal projects. If I’m constantly thinking I’m not capable or that everything happening to me is terrible then I will get no motivation to change.

Positive affirmations can be very helpful. However, it is of little use to tell ourselves “You can do everything” if you do not believe it. It also doesn’t help to say “everything is going to work out,” because we really don’t know if it might work out.  The opposite is also not beneficial, thinking “that will never happen to me” since we also don’t have any certainty of this. The important aspect is to maintain a positive and realistic attitude towards life.

Negative thoughts are common cognitive distortions.  All of us at some point have these kinds of thoughts, however, it is important to learn to detect them and contract so that they don’t undermine our spirit. This can also be treated through psychological cognitive restructuring technique which has proven to be very effective.

Self-improvement: What do I want and do not want?

I intend to grow, to progress. If I want to improve and grow or become a better person, surely because there is something in my current life that I want to change:

  • I have things that I would like to change: I have a very small house, a job I do not like, a destructive relationship, stress or anxiety, etc.
  • There are things I would like to have: I don’t a partner, no close friends, free time to travel, work success, enough money, happiness, pleasant relationships, etc.
  • Change things I shouldn’t do: I drink too much, don’t eat healthy food, treat my partner badly, watch too much TV, I’m too impulsive, etc.
  • I don’t do things I would love to do: Plan more, learn to prioritize, practice more sports, learn more hobbies, read enough books, look for a better job, etc.
  • I wish I were different: change my bad mood, my low self-esteem, my dependency on others, my laziness, anxiety, my negativity, my fears, etc.
  • I haven’t reached my potential: I am not successful enough or popular, intelligent, I don’t have the body that I want, I am a failure, etc.

Whatever moves you to self-improvement it is always an inner force that wants to push us to be better people, to grow and make progress. It’s time to implement some strategies!

Self-improvement: Tips, techniques, and strategies

1. Self-improvement happens by knowing yourself

The ancient Greeks already knew the importance of knowing oneself. In fact, they carved “Know thyself” in Apollo’s temple, in Delphi. Knowing our qualities, weaknesses, what makes us happy, what we want, who we want to be is essential for self-improvement.

It is also essential to know how we respond emotionally to the different events of our life or our emotional intelligence. Awareness about oneself is essential in order to be able to modify those aspects that we considered are flawed. A very useful way to do this is through mindfulness. However, you can also get it by paying more attention to your emotional states and analyzing where they come from. It is also important that you become aware of what things improve or worsen your mood.

Another technique or strategy that can help you improve your personal development is to use a mood journal. This way you will have more control over your own feelings and emotions.

The self-improvement strategy that works best is to find out what makes you happy. Explore your vital goals and objectives. Ask yourself: Where is my life going? Am I satisfied with it? How do I want to be remembered when I’m gone? You can also make a list of your goals and objectives to keep them in mind.

2. Take responsibility to start self-improvement

Many times, when something does not go as we would like in our life we fall into the negativity, feeling like victims or complaining. A self-improvement strategy that you must apply is not to blame others for what happens to you. Although others may have some responsibility, you have the last word. Not taking responsibility for your life makes change very difficult and it will be impossible to grow and progress.

3. Create an action plan to promote your self-improvement

If you know what your life goals are and who you want to become now all you need is a plan to achieve it.

A great strategy for this is to stop and analyze concrete goals and create a plan of action for each one. Start with very small steps building towards a final goal.

For example, if your goal is to be a successful professional but now you hate your job, the steps can be:

  • Find out what profession motivates me.
  • Know what you need to be a professional in that area (studies, experience, cognitive skills, etc).
  • Train and acquire the necessary skills.
  • Re-write my curriculum.
  • Search for jobs and go to interviews.
  • Get a job and leave the current one.
  • Strive at my job and give it my all.
  • Get a promotion.

4. Exiting the comfort zone as a self-improvement strategy

What is the comfort zone?

It is a behavioral space in which your activities and behaviors are within routines and patterns that minimize stress and risk. It provides a state of mental security, reduces stress and anxiety. That is why it is so difficult to leave our comfort zone.

Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.

Following this saying can only block us and slow our growth.

It’s not a bad thing being in the comfort zone because we need a safe place to reboot, relax and recharge. However, we must not get stuck there forever.

How do I get out of the comfort zone?

For our self-improvement, it is important to face what is frightens us and constantly challenge ourselves. It often involves jumping into the unknown, testing ourselves and risking. This is difficult if we have lived our whole life in a comfortable position. When we are young it is easier to try new things and get out of that comfort zone, but as the years go by, we become comfortable in our routines and we don’t allow ourselves to continue to evolve.

In order to self-improve you have to dare to do new things, or in a different way. Make small changes in your routine. Did you always want to learn photography? Join a class!

We tend to sabotage ourselves by saying. “I won’t be able to do it alone”, “I am going to fail”. However, the real failure is in not trying, to always remain with doubts, living off the “what ifs”. Analyze those thoughts that are holding you back and challenge your logic: What evidence is there that this is so? Push yourself to the limit.

5. Review your habits as a self-improvement strategy

Often our habits slow down our personal growth. So we must analyze what habits don’t benefit us and which ones do. Changing our habits is not easy, they are behaviors that have been established for a long time and it is very difficult to change them. There is much talk about the lack of willpower as the cause of not being able to change habits, but this is simplistic. There are many environmental and personal circumstances that make the task difficult. Discover here how to increase that “willpower“.

The following video is a perfect example of how willpower is important but a support system is also essential. Feel free to comment below.

This article is originally in Spanish written by Andrea García Cerdán, translated by Alejandra Salazar.

 

Pathological Liars: How to Identify, Help, and Prevent It from Happening

Telling the occasional white lie doesn’t change who your are and it doesn’t make you a bad person. However, there are some people who relate to the world solely through lies, who feel the need to lie for no reason. These people are called compulsive or pathological liars, and below you’ll see how to identify one, and how to help them if you do.

Pathological liars: What is a pathological liar?

Aside from some ethical and moral problems, lying isn’t really a problem. The problem takes shape when telling a lie is out of our control, when we need to lie to feel good. This is a type of addictive behavior. Pathological liars might not even know when they’re telling a lie, and probably won’t recognize that they’ve lied.

What is a Mythomania?

Mythomania, or a pathological liar, is a person who lies, hides, or exaggerates the truth without thinking and without gaining anything form it. The aren’t able to control it and they can’t stop. Mythomania can be related to several personality disorders including severe ones like psychopaths. Pathological liars are subconsciously looking for attention and admiration from those around them, and are hoping to get people to look up to them and think they’re “cool”. This is the reason most of their lies are personal lies. They lie for the sake of lying, without thinking about the consequences of what they say.

Why do compulsive liars lie?

In general, people lie or tell “half-truths” to benefit them in some way, whether it be about coming home before curfew or not breaking the priceless vase. This is why lying is a reinforcing behavior. It clearly keeps us from getting into deeper trouble, so why not tell a lie and get out of it?

The negative effects from lying may or may not ever happen, as others may never even find out about the lie. They may also find out much later, which loses some of the negativity and makes whatever punishment that comes later seem much less important. However it happens, it’s very probably that this lying behavior happens more than once.

Aside from trying to avoid negative consequences, these people lie to get attention and affection. They exaggerate, embellish, or make up a “reality” that they’ve created in order to seem more interesting. However, this only works in the short-term, because with time, people around them will start catching them in lies and distance themselves.

1- When a pathological liar is caught in a difficult situation, they get stressed.

2- They use another lie to “solve the problem”, and their stress subsides, reinforcing their behavior. On one hand, their stress subsides, and on the other, their problem “disappears”

3-Through this reinforcement (or “benefits”) (getting attention and avoiding uncomfortable situations), this lying behavior becomes a habit over time.

Compulsive liars are generally insecure and have low self-esteem. They aren’t very social, and they don’t know how to talk to people without lying. They don’t feel interesting enough, which is why they alter reality to make themselves look better.

They are addicted to lying. They can’t stop lying even if they wanted to, or it will leave them to feel defenseless. Over time, this addiction will become stronger and stronger, and their ability to control their behavior will become more and more difficult.

How can you tell if someone is a pathological liar?

Your friend who likes to embellish his stories isn’t necessarily a pathological liar. Lying pathologically is an addiction, they lie constantly because it’s a habit that they do without realizing it.

We usually catch on to these lies because things don’t quite add up or they seem too far-fetched, but when you confront the liar, they’re cool and collected, not nervous. They might be inexpressive and control their actions. If they look nervous, they’re not a pathological liar.

These people don’t lie to reap benefits or keep something from happening, but it’s possible that their habit started this way (and the subconscious search for approval). They lie systematically, without any apparent reason, which is another way to tell a simple lie from a pathological liar.

Some common aspects of pathological liars are:

  • Lies are believable and may have truthful elements. For example: a person has stomach flu but may exaggerate and tell a co-worker its a serious illness like cancer.
  • They tend to always show the person lying in a positive light.
  • Pathological liars can continue to lie for long periods of time. People who have long term affairs tend to start lying and may become pathological due to the pleasure of keeping the secret.  

How can you help a pathological liar?

How can you help a compulsive liar? It’s not as easy as you might think, because part of overcoming any addiction is recognizing that you have one, and pathological liars don’t recognize their problem. Trying to get them to change or bringing them to a psychologist won’t help, because if they don’t think they have a problem, they won’t want to get treatment.

It’s important to show them that you know that they have a problem and try to get them to understand that overcoming their addiction will improve their quality of life. Once they are able to recognize that they have a problem, you can try to have them see a professional, but be careful not to push them.

How can you keep your kids from becoming pathological liars?

This disorder generally starts in adolescence, which is why it’s important to teach your children good values.

It is especially important to raise their self-esteem and talk to them kindly. Tell them when they’ve done a good job and reinforce their good behavior. Remind them that having people like them isn’t the most important thing, but that having morals and treating others nicely can go a long way.

If anyone you know tends to lie a lot don’t rush into any conclusions, remember to always be objective and never push anyone into getting help when they don’t want to.

Hope you enjoyed the article, feel free to leave a comment below.